okay so lately ive been feeling like ive hit rock bottom while im also through the roof. idk how to explain it and thats lowk the best i can do to explain it😭 anyways, i fear my body image has gotten slightly worse instead of better but i cant stop binge eating like what!! and im also too unmotivated to do anything ab it too💔 like i cant stop comparing how i look or how i do things with other ppl. i would literally go insane or wtv whenever i see a genuinely good looking person in my fyp. im that seriously insecure. i also get really jealous when ppl are just naturally good at the shit i actually have to work hard on, like damn bro. i dont know whats wrong with me. sometimes i feel like im better than other ppl or i look at myself in the mirror and say "holy shit, i look fine as shit". whenever i go to school, i would always see the girl im heavily envious of, from looks to achievements. like damn, beauty AND brains? okay man. ive also lost people in my life because of my fucking insecurities and i genuinely hate it. i cant even control my anger sometimes, and theyre mostly directed to myself. i dont know how to ask for help, idk what i can do to make myself feel better. ive gone to therapy, ive tried changing my mindset, i tried taking care if myself. but i genuinely still feel that im worthless and chopped as shit. and what irritates me the most is that im mid at everything too. i stopped asking for help because no one ever seems to understand how i feel, and its no use either since nothing ever changes. I genuinely just wish i was effortlessly gorgeous bro, i genuinely hate myself soo bad i could tear myself up and throw the exterior layer of my body out to the dumpster. i wish i was special. i wish i was worth anything at all. whats worse is that ive been feeling like this since i was a fucking CHILD. like literally 6-8years old. ive always wanted to be more physically appealing. fuck my fucking chungus life bro😭.