i'm twenty two now and i feel unlovable as shit.

my best friend told me he's my ride or die but we haven't been able to talk a lot. i know he has his own life buy every day i'm more fearful about being alone once again

i'm never able to keep friends for more than three years, it's desperating. i fear everyone i've surrounded myself hates me. i hate feeling like everyone else is insincere but i don't know what to do anymore, i'm so scared of speaking on the groupchats i have, i'm horrified everytime i type, i'm scared that people are only putting up with me instead of actually liking me and wanting me to be there.

the friends i have have already told me evrything is fine but i really fear that it's not, that they're lying. that they're talking about me somewhere else. that i'm that friend that never fit into the friendgroup to begin with.

i tried killing myself at seventeen, planned it, but didn't go through with it. i chickened out. told my dad, decided not to go through anything like that at all from that point on. because he told me i would be losing out on my friends at the time growing up.

i lost the friends i had at that time anyway. everyday i feel more lost and like i'm never going to be trully happy.

i want to dissapear