i've tried killing myself a month ago, and now it's like i wanna do it every single day for some reasons,,, when i did it i think i was in crisis (?) i had a rlly bad fight with my mom and sister i was like that's not happeninggg it's happened many times but that time in particular would have ruined my life but for real. so i took a knife and genuinely started butchering my shit in front of them, i almost hit an artery but they took the knife from me i tried to stab myself after that but they called an ambulance blah blah blah anywho. ive always had ideas of kms but religion was holding me back, now that i don't believe anymore what exactly holds me back? like idc anymore so i've had constant thoughts, every time i see a train (every day bc i take that to go to college) i think about how i could die from this if i were quick enough, meds isn't something i really considered but cutting definitely is as it was easier than i thought. i think about jumping off a high place too bc that'd be quick and 0 chances of failing. i got back to harming myself (small cuts here and there) and im so confused. depression has been an on and off thing for me so maybe in like 2 days i'll be sososo happy and productive again and a month later plot on my own death...... girl things are weird asf