My girlfriend and I love each other deeply (sometimes I doubt that, on both sides, but that's another story) She gets jealous very easily, even told me to not give my coworkers a handshake for a greeting. I contributed, wanting to make her happy. A few weeks later we were outside and she saw her coworker (one she has been talking alot about lately), and gave him a handshake. Kinda made me feel stupid ngl, and also jealous. Because why am I not allowed to do something she does? It's a handshake not a make out session yet she treated it as one with MY coworkers. Currently she is sleeping next to me while I lay there awake. She picked me up from work and said to me that she decided to go to her works christmas-party after all (she told me she'd rather spent time with me before) because of the free stuff she is getting. She reassured me that she'll be back at latest 8...we even made out before and she teased me about "rewarding me properly" when she gets back later....I was already asleep when she came back at 11. I woke up when she crawled into bed and said she had fun, got some presents but she stayed longer because "the boss kept talking for 3 hours" (a speech at the end) I was already overthinking, being jealous about her having fun somewhere without me (I told her that I am but that I would want to go too if the roles where reversed and that I know it's something toxic I have to work on) My sleep was gone, driven over by spiraling thoughts and I went to the bathroom to kinda get my mind cleared with some water and stuff. That's when I noticed she wrote me messages, pictures of her drinking a beer (she was the one telling me we only drink alcohol when we are together because she used to have an addiction problem with it) And she also wrote me at 9:30 that she just had a smoke (again, something we agreed on ONLY doing together) with some work colleagues. Oh so she had the time to take a smoke during the "3 hour long speech" but not to go home? (Mind you, she could've just said she has early shift the next day so it would be a proper excuse to go) She also walked all the way home instead of waiting for the bus (that would've come 10 minutes later and made her be home earlier) It just kinda makes me feel stupid and used. It makes me feel like she purposely doesn't want to spent time with me and it hurts. I know I'm prolly just overthinking and hurt but still fact is I'm lying awake and can't sleep anymore and I just want those thoughts to stop. Sorry if the story is all messed up, I'm tired and my mind is messed up, too. As cringe as it sounds.