i feel like i seriously cant go on much longer but id feel like a piece of shit if i just fucking did it and left my parents and family to suffer, i want to at least try to die somewhat happy. i dont know how to do that though, i bearly have enough money to pay for any funeral costs or give compensation when im gone, i cant think of anything to do to try and make my last tolerable let alone enjoyable, and idk how im supposed to die without it being painful as fuck. i always thought some combo of xans, alchohol and heroin would work great by knocking me out and everything so that i wouldnt have to wake up but apparently its inconsistent or painful as shit and whatever. fucking bullshit