I’m 17 gonna be 18 in 4 months and all I think about is suicide. I feel completely invisible to people mainly women because of how hideously ugly I am. I’ve only been in one relationship and it was an online relationship she completely mentally tortured me for about a year. I have a permanent scar on my finger because it got sliced open accidentally by trying to take a razor blade out of a razor because we were going to self harm together. She forced me to squeeze the blood put it on my cock and jerk off I was 16 she was 20. She forced me to finger my asshole and show her videos if I didn’t she made me feel badly about it. Long story short she ruined my fucking life and I will never fucking recover. I don’t deserve love. She is currently having a great time with her ex the one which she loved through our entire relationship. I can’t get over her and I never will my only option is suicide. I think about it every fucking day and I cannot stop it’s been 8 months since I broke up with her. I know she doesn’t think about me because I was just a fun time to her while she waited for her ex to come back. She destroyed my entire life as a fun game. It’s some Stockholm syndrome shit. I need to kill myself it’s my only option